Anyone remember that Equire issue with Britney Spears on the cover? You know, the one where she's topless and all that nonsense? Sure you do! Anybody check her out on the new Vanity Fair? Sure you did! Now, let's do some scientific calculations or something else that's just as unnecessary to determine what the difference between your reaction to the Esquire issue and your reaction to the Vanity Fair issue. Did you see the Vanity Fair issue, the one where's she's as naked as she's ever been...but pregnant, and let out an emphatic "Daaaaayym!" to rival the categorically similar response to the Esquire magazine?
If you're me...probably not.
And it's not that Britney Spears is ugly, or that I'm repulsed by pregos, I'm not. In fact, I thought the pictures of Britney on VF were some of the best of her in a long time. SO why the response? I don't know. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that now that I've seen Britney Spears for what she really is (a tacky, no-shoe-wearing, bearskin birth-giving, stupid, trailer baby), well...I'm just not interested in the whole checking out Britney Spears thing. I mean, now that I've seen repeatedly photographed as a disgusting individual, there's no fantasy curtain there anymore.
Remember the good ol' days where you'd turn and see a Britney Spears video and be entranced for 3 1/2 minutes? Remember the VMAs where she was consistently hot with every appearance? Yeah, not so much now'a'days. It's a shame, and from what I've been reading, and from what I've been hearing, I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I heard Britney Spears comment a few months back about the state of pop music, and it was something along the lines of:
"The current state of pop music is saddening. I can't wait to get back out there and revitalize the genre."
While we all know that when Britney Spears finally does drop 75 lbs and learns to dance again there will be a new hoarde of 11-year-old girls to greet her, I really can't help but wish that that's not the case. Personally, I find the current state of pop music to be entirely satisfactory. Since Britney left the scene there have been plenty of talented females to take her place. Natasha Bedingfield, for example, has flooded the airwave with music that is not only meaningful and inspirational, but good. I mean, she can sing, so she already has the upperhand against Britney. Then there's Christina Aguilera whose latest single is much better than anything Britney has even thought about doing. Gwen Stefani, Stars, Metric, The New Pornographers, and others are slowly climbing the ranks into all-out stardom, while Britney sits at home and eats the leftover Cheetos on the floor.
And she thinks she can come in and be pop music's savior? More like antichrist!
At best, Britney will come back and try her hardest to immitate Madonna, busting out with her own "Confessions of a Dance Floor" (an absolutely ludicrous title). So is there anything in Britney's future besides snack foods, babies, and the undeniable rip-off of Madonna? I hope not. Certainly, I've had my fair share of Britney.
I hope the rest of the world follows my lead.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Pierre's New Friend
Anyone who has known me for the last 2 years knows about Pierre. Pierre is my tattoo, a tattoo of a worm with Mario gloves and mustasche. Pierre is the man! I love Pierre! Howver, before I got Pierre, there was one thing I really wanted tattooed on me: a short stack of pancakes. So Friday night I got bored, got some friends to pitch in, and an hour later I was permanently emblazened with a short stack of pancakes.
Unfortunately, what was supposed to be a short stack of pancakes looks more like a nice plate of poo.
The three pancakes are oddly collored and drawn, the plate itself is an unholy mess of an image, complete with black and white stripes on one side and just black on the other side, and a red outline that is clearly visible. What makes matters worse is that the red outline isn't even necessary. That's right. My tattoo artist drew outside of the lines! Like an effing 3rd grader!!! This would be excusable and some back alley tattoo parlor, but not this one. This one is recognized as a really legit place.
So now I'm left with this. What now?
Well, friends have been talking me into getting it covered up. However, I can't help but feel like shite for putting an unwanted tattoo over someone else's f**kup. I'm looking into Laser Tattoo removal because I really just want to forget about this whole situation and maybe erase everyone's memory of this terrible event. There are a few places in Houston that are pretty legit, and I feel pretty good about them. But who knows? It'll be a long time until that happens.
Until then...it's just me, Pierre, and a plate full of shite!
Unfortunately, what was supposed to be a short stack of pancakes looks more like a nice plate of poo.
The three pancakes are oddly collored and drawn, the plate itself is an unholy mess of an image, complete with black and white stripes on one side and just black on the other side, and a red outline that is clearly visible. What makes matters worse is that the red outline isn't even necessary. That's right. My tattoo artist drew outside of the lines! Like an effing 3rd grader!!! This would be excusable and some back alley tattoo parlor, but not this one. This one is recognized as a really legit place.
So now I'm left with this. What now?
Well, friends have been talking me into getting it covered up. However, I can't help but feel like shite for putting an unwanted tattoo over someone else's f**kup. I'm looking into Laser Tattoo removal because I really just want to forget about this whole situation and maybe erase everyone's memory of this terrible event. There are a few places in Houston that are pretty legit, and I feel pretty good about them. But who knows? It'll be a long time until that happens.
Until then...it's just me, Pierre, and a plate full of shite!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
My Beef with Amazon.com
I had a trial Amazon Prime account once. It lasted 5 months. During the course of this trial, I probably bought more items from Amazon.com than in all the months before or after it combined. Truthfully, however, this has absolutely nothing to do with my forthcoming rant. Simply put, I just thought it'd be a nice introduction.
I review things. I do it over at Cale is the Balls!!! It's a pretty nice hobby.
For the most part, the majority of my reviews also appear over on Amazon.com where they are voted for based on their helpfulness. Here is where my problem occurs. You see, Amazon.com is not necessarily an internet community filled with people who I would consider to have valid opinions. Typically, this is just fine by me, but occasionally my reviews will be given an unhelpful review, not because it's unhelpful, but because it differs from their opinion.
For example, in a review I wrote for Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Show Your bones," only two people voted my review as being helpful. And why not? I used objective reasoning, I said the first half of the album is great, but here's where I went wrong:
"The songs "The Sweets" "Warrior" and "Turn Into" are back to back to back near clones of each other. Like a bad Linkin Park song, they all follow the same formula: start of with soft acoustics, end the song in blazing electric and insane drums. And while it works once, it is excused when done twice, and garbage the third time through, especially when done in sequential order."
The sad reality is that my review, for the most part, is entirely helpful. It is an opinion, like all reviews, and it is written fairly well. So why then was my review met with such a harsh reaction?
Fanboys.
Fanboys are those pricks that think your opinion is worthless if you don't agree with theirs, especially when it concerns their favorite music, movies, or video games. Here, let's do a little survey, shall we?
This is my review of "Show Your Bones" which received 2 helpful votes.
The following is similar review which is "spotlighted" by Amazon for receiving multiple helpful votes.
Show Your Bones is the second album from this New York based group fronted by Karen O, the girl with the distinctive and powerful lead vocals (and screams), admirably backed by the drums, guitars and keyboard (and occasional car alarms and other sounds) of Brian Chase, Nick Zinner and Imaad Wasif. Most of the tracks have catchy choruses and driving beats, and although it’s difficult to interpret what each song is about, you can use your imagination to fill in the blanks. Sample lyrics from the first single “Gold Lion” are as follows: Outside, Inside, This is the moon without a tide, We'll build a fire in your eyes, We'll build a fire when the cover's getting brighter, Cold as I, makes the moon without a tide Other picks are “Way Out”; “Phenomena”; “Honeybear” (great chorus); “Cheated Hearts” and “Turn Into”. This is one of those albums best played with the volume button set to “maximum disturbance.”
Now. Somebody please tell me which is better. Where as my review received 2 helpful votes, the other review featured a whopping 19! It hardly seems fair or accurate, and in reality, it definitely makes things less helpful for Amazon.com customers. If Amazon is only going to spotlight reviews that rant and rave about items like they were hot turkey, then a customer is not going to get both sides of the coin. They will only read about how great the item is, and how blah blah blargh and yada yada yada it is.
What is my suggestion? Amazon.com is a huge business. I mean huge! I don't have any statistics to back it up, but I'd be fairly surprised if it weren't the #1 Retailer on the internet. It is, literally, the Wal-Mart of the world wide web. Clearly, they have some cash floating around. Take that cash and invest in new positions at the company. Hire people to actually read, or skim through, all the new reviews that come in and choose the ones that are actually helpful. The whole customer review feature on Amazon.com is worthless if it is just overrun by a bunch of fanboys treating every new Taking Back Sunday album like it was hot sh!t just because its their favorite band.
Why does this matter to me? Because I try to take this as seriously as I can. Amazon.com ranks reviewers based on these helpful votes and the higher my ranking is, the more exposure I get. I've only been doing this since April and I've already gotten several offers to write for different websites, but I haven't really committed to anything. If my ranking goes higher, then I get more exposure, and therefore more opportunities to do this professionally.
But alas, this will probably never actually happen. Why?
Fanboys.
I review things. I do it over at Cale is the Balls!!! It's a pretty nice hobby.
For the most part, the majority of my reviews also appear over on Amazon.com where they are voted for based on their helpfulness. Here is where my problem occurs. You see, Amazon.com is not necessarily an internet community filled with people who I would consider to have valid opinions. Typically, this is just fine by me, but occasionally my reviews will be given an unhelpful review, not because it's unhelpful, but because it differs from their opinion.
For example, in a review I wrote for Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Show Your bones," only two people voted my review as being helpful. And why not? I used objective reasoning, I said the first half of the album is great, but here's where I went wrong:
"The songs "The Sweets" "Warrior" and "Turn Into" are back to back to back near clones of each other. Like a bad Linkin Park song, they all follow the same formula: start of with soft acoustics, end the song in blazing electric and insane drums. And while it works once, it is excused when done twice, and garbage the third time through, especially when done in sequential order."
The sad reality is that my review, for the most part, is entirely helpful. It is an opinion, like all reviews, and it is written fairly well. So why then was my review met with such a harsh reaction?
Fanboys.
Fanboys are those pricks that think your opinion is worthless if you don't agree with theirs, especially when it concerns their favorite music, movies, or video games. Here, let's do a little survey, shall we?
This is my review of "Show Your Bones" which received 2 helpful votes.
The following is similar review which is "spotlighted" by Amazon for receiving multiple helpful votes.
Show Your Bones is the second album from this New York based group fronted by Karen O, the girl with the distinctive and powerful lead vocals (and screams), admirably backed by the drums, guitars and keyboard (and occasional car alarms and other sounds) of Brian Chase, Nick Zinner and Imaad Wasif. Most of the tracks have catchy choruses and driving beats, and although it’s difficult to interpret what each song is about, you can use your imagination to fill in the blanks. Sample lyrics from the first single “Gold Lion” are as follows: Outside, Inside, This is the moon without a tide, We'll build a fire in your eyes, We'll build a fire when the cover's getting brighter, Cold as I, makes the moon without a tide Other picks are “Way Out”; “Phenomena”; “Honeybear” (great chorus); “Cheated Hearts” and “Turn Into”. This is one of those albums best played with the volume button set to “maximum disturbance.”
Now. Somebody please tell me which is better. Where as my review received 2 helpful votes, the other review featured a whopping 19! It hardly seems fair or accurate, and in reality, it definitely makes things less helpful for Amazon.com customers. If Amazon is only going to spotlight reviews that rant and rave about items like they were hot turkey, then a customer is not going to get both sides of the coin. They will only read about how great the item is, and how blah blah blargh and yada yada yada it is.
What is my suggestion? Amazon.com is a huge business. I mean huge! I don't have any statistics to back it up, but I'd be fairly surprised if it weren't the #1 Retailer on the internet. It is, literally, the Wal-Mart of the world wide web. Clearly, they have some cash floating around. Take that cash and invest in new positions at the company. Hire people to actually read, or skim through, all the new reviews that come in and choose the ones that are actually helpful. The whole customer review feature on Amazon.com is worthless if it is just overrun by a bunch of fanboys treating every new Taking Back Sunday album like it was hot sh!t just because its their favorite band.
Why does this matter to me? Because I try to take this as seriously as I can. Amazon.com ranks reviewers based on these helpful votes and the higher my ranking is, the more exposure I get. I've only been doing this since April and I've already gotten several offers to write for different websites, but I haven't really committed to anything. If my ranking goes higher, then I get more exposure, and therefore more opportunities to do this professionally.
But alas, this will probably never actually happen. Why?
Fanboys.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
"Mr. B"
I'm sitting at work. I am in the cardio room. There is one man in here on the bike. It is just me and him. Quiet. He farts. I chuckle. He looks at me, upset. I turn away.
Five minutes pass...
He farts. He looks up at me. I am staring out the window, pretending to be unaware of his indiscretion. He looks away. He farts.
I chuckle and leave the room.
Five minutes pass...
He farts. He looks up at me. I am staring out the window, pretending to be unaware of his indiscretion. He looks away. He farts.
I chuckle and leave the room.
The State of the World Pt. 1
Is there anything more nauseating than Paris Hilton?
Honestly. I can't imagine myself hating another celebrity more than I do her. She became famous for being a drunken 19-year-old heiress to a hotel chain. Then she became more famous for having sex and having the foresight to film it. Not exactly the way I'd like to be remembered, and it seems Paris shares this same view.
Since this tape popped up on the internet a few years back, Paris has been scrambling for some other way to legitimize her fame. First we got The Simple Life; a boring expose' of idocy and being spoiled. People tuned in for it, not to see Paris Hilton be herself, but rather to see Paris Hilton, the meat. Afterall, there's nothing about Paris Hilton that is remotely interesting, and WE, as civilized human beings, know that the sole reason for her success is because of two things:
1. She's rich.
2. She's attractive (I use this word because, in my opinion, Paris Hilton is not hot.)
So sure, people tune into The Simple Life to see Paris Hilton look hot. And, surprise, she plays her role perfectly. The sad truth is, Paris knows why she's famous, yet she continues to bombard us with horrible attempts at mediocracy that fall so short, not even Eddie Murphy could attain them.
Next was House of Wax in which Paris Hilton pranced around the screen for 90 minutes, once again, looking hot. Sure, she acted, but anyone can act. Anyone can read from a script and run around looking scared. Hell, I do that all the time, for fun. Again, however, Paris Hilton attains the lowest level of mediocracy possible and we are once again cheated out of seeing what we really want: nudity.
Paris Hilton's latest attempt at legitimizing her fame is through music. Surely, because music is a realm in which no visual stimulation is required, Paris Hilton will fail at this endeavor, right?
Honestly. I can't imagine myself hating another celebrity more than I do her. She became famous for being a drunken 19-year-old heiress to a hotel chain. Then she became more famous for having sex and having the foresight to film it. Not exactly the way I'd like to be remembered, and it seems Paris shares this same view.
Since this tape popped up on the internet a few years back, Paris has been scrambling for some other way to legitimize her fame. First we got The Simple Life; a boring expose' of idocy and being spoiled. People tuned in for it, not to see Paris Hilton be herself, but rather to see Paris Hilton, the meat. Afterall, there's nothing about Paris Hilton that is remotely interesting, and WE, as civilized human beings, know that the sole reason for her success is because of two things:
1. She's rich.
2. She's attractive (I use this word because, in my opinion, Paris Hilton is not hot.)
So sure, people tune into The Simple Life to see Paris Hilton look hot. And, surprise, she plays her role perfectly. The sad truth is, Paris knows why she's famous, yet she continues to bombard us with horrible attempts at mediocracy that fall so short, not even Eddie Murphy could attain them.
Next was House of Wax in which Paris Hilton pranced around the screen for 90 minutes, once again, looking hot. Sure, she acted, but anyone can act. Anyone can read from a script and run around looking scared. Hell, I do that all the time, for fun. Again, however, Paris Hilton attains the lowest level of mediocracy possible and we are once again cheated out of seeing what we really want: nudity.
Paris Hilton's latest attempt at legitimizing her fame is through music. Surely, because music is a realm in which no visual stimulation is required, Paris Hilton will fail at this endeavor, right?
Wrong!
iTunes - Pop Top 10
#8 - "Stars Are Blind" - Paris Hilton
Billboard Hot 100
#21 - "Stars Are Blind" - Paris Hilton
Billboard Pop 100 Airplay
#21 - "Stars Are Blind" - Paris Hilton
Launch! Top 10
#2 - "Stars Are Blind" - Paris Hilton
It was not until just recently that I came to the realization that my entire existence is meaningless. I mean, it has to be. It's one thing when radio stations play songs, they are sometimes financially obligated through the artist's record label to do so. However, it is an entirely different matter when people are actually listen to this nonsense! #8 on iTunes?? #2 on Luanch?? Is this really what our world has come to?
Honestly. 98% of the population can carry a tune. That doesn't mean they should have record deals! Real music is about emotion, expression, and creativity. "Stars are Blind" is prime example of what music should not be! While Paris Hilton sluts her way into a record deal, thousands of legitiamte, talented musicians are starving themselves waiting for the day to arrive when they can survive off of their artistry. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton abuses the industry, and for what? WHY? You're already famous! You're already rich! What more could you stand to gain from this?
My cousin's ringtone is "Stars Are Blind."
I am uterly distressed. Everything I know is a lie. It is apparent to me now that I am the only person in the world who actually dislikes Paris Hilton. If she can get to the top 30 on Billboard, then life is meaningless and I have been mistaken this whole time.
I will go die now...
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Welcome to "The Overflow"
Welcome to 'The Overflow;" the place where I write whatever is unsuitable for Cale is the Balls!!! I'll post here when I need to, or when it's appropriate, but I will not show the same amount of dedication to this blog as I do the main one.
Essentially, this blog is for rants, raves, creative endeavors, and random discussions. It's the fun blog!
Welcom to the fun blog!
Essentially, this blog is for rants, raves, creative endeavors, and random discussions. It's the fun blog!
Welcom to the fun blog!
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